The only thing we knew was that we would never amount to anything

[humanitysacrifice]

It was nothing out of the ordinary, these days. Teru had gotten used to it. He had gotten used to the pain as well.
He sat in the nurse office, catching his breath. His newest set of bruises had been treated and now he had some time to relax before he could go on with his life. He'd been meaning to go out earlier, but the nurse wouldn't let him.
Teru stared down at his hands. They were scratched open from the moment he'd hit the ground and tried to steady himself.
Nothing out of the ordinary these days. He'd have to let his glasses be fixed though. They'd fallen down as he took a punch to the face and then gotten crushed under someone's foot along with some of his other belongings.
The remnants were placed on a little table in the room.

Teru sighed. This wasn't good. He could take hits on his body, but he disliked when his things were damaged. Still, he felt something like apathy come over him. His head hurt, everything hurt, but he paid no attention. The boy closed his eyes, waiting for the allowance to leave the room again.

Comments

ah crap tl;dr

[finalarbiter.livejournal.com]

"Bringing in another invalid."

The door to the infirmary opened once more announcing the arrival of two students, one considerably louder than the other. "A-ah, it's nothing serious, Yamamoto," said the quieter one. "Probably just a sprain."

A touch of wounded pride to accompany the injury was present in that statement. Light Yagami did not have two left feet on or off the tennis courts. The fall had been nothing but embarrassing; being unable to stand up afterwards made the experience all the more mortifying. But despite the slightly indignant tone, there was a small upward tug of gratitude on his lips. Walking hurt, and Light was grateful to have someone to support himself against.

The nurse walked over to the two, sighed, and pointed at the nearest empty bed before busying herself with the medical cabinet. With an apologetic glance at the nurse, Light hobbled over obediently, wincing at every other step as Yamamoto helped him settle on the edge. As soon as Light was comfortable, Yamamoto stood up straight. "I have to go back but you feel better alright, Yagami?"

"Thanks. Tell Takimura-sensei that I'm alright?"

Yamamoto waved a hand in acknowledgement before leaving. As the door shut behind him, Light drew his leg in closer. The ankle joint was already swollen, and very tender. His mind was drifting to thoughts of cram school later that day. He'd always walked there; it obviously wasn't going to be possible today. Now it was Light's turn to sigh. Sachiko would probably fuss, and worry unnecessarily. But he sat up straight once again when the nurse reappeared with a thick roll of wrapping bandages. After allowing her to dress the injury without complaint, Light lay back on his bed.

It was only then that Light noticed the other student in the nurse's office. It bothered him that he hadn't noticed right away, but his own preoccupations were more than ample distractions. However, he almost wished he hadn't seen the other boy. He could recognize him anywhere: Mikami Teru. The quiet boy who had the same homeroom as Light. The one who was always covered in bruises, and scrapes. The same one who had those pictures of him sent around class. Light had promptly ripped up the copy that had shown up on his desk. People were absolutely disgusting sometimes.

Light hadn't spoken to Mikami before; he hadn't had the need to, but now that he had been caught staring—or maybe he hadn't? No. That line of thinking was cowardly. As uncomfortable as the situation was, one way or another there was no way Light could pretend the other didn't exist in this room.

"Mikami-san... right?"

It sounded awkward even to Light's ears. Perhaps it would have been better not to say anything after all...

tl;dr is awesome~

[takesallbullets.livejournal.com]

Teru barely looked up as the two boys walked in. It wasn't uncommon for people to come here after all and he'd seen so many patients come in that it hardly seemed important anymore. But the voices and names get a bit more of his attention.
He knew Light Yagami, but then again, who on the school didn't?
Perfect grades, perfect looks, perfect behaviour. Yagami was possibly the most popular student at school, while Mikami was doubtlessly the least popular. There had been a lot of fake rumors spread about him and this way even those who weren't directly his enemies would turn away in disgust. Mikami could often feel their icey stares.
He turned his attention back to Light Yagami, even though he did just watch him from the corner of his eye.
Teru had never talked to him, but he'd always appreciated the other boy's orderly way of living.
He was the last person he'd expected to show up in the nurse's office. Somehow he didn't seem like a person who got hurt... No, this thought was just irrational.

Teru's thoughts got interupted as Light spoke up. Now he raised his head to look at the other fully, revealing the swollen state of his cheek.
"Yes...", he replied quietly, "And you're Yagami-san, if I'm not mistaken."
Of course he wasn't. Everybody in school knew Light's name. And Mikami's for that matter. Both of their questioning was just an act of formality.

<3

[finalarbiter.livejournal.com]

Light nodded in response though he was only half-paying attention. It wasn't a secret that Mikami was being tormented by others in the class; it was simply seeing the damage up close made it that much closer to being a part of Light's reality rather than a particularly nasty component of background noise: a minor key, where there ought to have been a sharp, perhaps. Situations like these were why being in a crowd was easy; being in a crowd granted a false sense of anonymity. Being in a crowd made Light as untouchable as he wanted, but he didn't have that kind of benefit now.

What was difficult was trying to decide how exactly to verbally respond. Ignoring the bruises, and swelling in order to pretend they were having a perfectly normal conversation was always an option—perhaps the one Mikami preferred judging from the way he hadn't attempted to hide his injuries. Maybe he had his own sense of pride as well. Light could understand that feeling.

"Somehow I imagined our first conversation would take place elsewhere."

He couldn't quite manage a smile, but the tone of the sentence is decidedly offhand. It might even have passed for self-deprecating humor to those unfamiliar with Light's sensibilities.

"Are you...alright?"

The answer was obvious enough, and Light felt stupid for even asking, but how could he not?

[takesallbullets.livejournal.com]

Teru also didn't expect their first conversation to take place here, but he didn't actually except a conversation with Light at all. Aside from class related things maybe, but it was not like Mikami had any chance to be a big influence anymore, not with a reputation like this. It wouldn't keep him from trying though. He had to give it all his best, everything less wouldn't be acceptable.

Teru could feel the awkwardness radiating of Light, but he himself didn't feel much of it. While he wasn't comfortable being seen like this, he was just apathetic about it. Everyone in this school had seen him, all of him, beaten up, bruising. There wasn't much he could hide anymore.

And then there was that question. No matter how he looked, how obvious it was what had happened to him, he'd be asked this. Sometimes Teru felt like it was just a way for other people to make themselves feel better.
He nodded slowly.

"Yes, I'm fine. I will head back to class in a little while."

It had to sound almost grotesque. It was so obvious that his body had to hurt awfully and yet Teru was saying this so easily.
But he was used to injuries. He'd done what he had to, trying to fight for what he believed in. It was his choice, the only right choice, and if he had to deal with the consequences he'd do that.
Even though he couldn't help but look at his broken glasses for a moment. Those were far more problematic than his own hurt body.

1/2

[finalarbiter.livejournal.com]

Light returned the nod, but his brow was creased. The answer was to be expected. No one wants to acknowledge their dependency or weakness in front of others. But the answer was so self evidently wrong. More than likely, this was because the question Light had asked was also wrong. He wanted to know why. Why would Mikami go so far? If there was something wrong, all you had to do was change your thinking, or if that wasn't possible, change other people's perceptions of you. Turn their hatred on its head and make them adore you like an ethereal flower that blooms once every thousand years. Say the right things, wear the right clothes, flash a charming smile—become the embodiment of perfection and people practically fall over themselves to clean up after your mess. If you even left a mess, that was; Light didn't.

Light's eyes followed Teru's to fall upon the shattered glasses. Getting beaten up like that everyday had to get old. It had to. It couldn't possibly have been worth it. It certainly wouldn't have been worth it for Light at any rate, and therefore it was all too easy to write this off as idiocy, albeit well intentioned idiocy. If Mikami makes himself a target like that, then it's his fault.

But aside from that line of thinking being inherently abhorrent to Light, he can think of one other person for whom this might have been worth it and that was Soichiro Yagami. His father would have gladly taken on the burden of defending those who couldn't defend themselves. Defending justice as he has always done for as long as Light can remember. All those absences from home with Sachiko peering anxiously at the clock as the sky grew darker and darker, while Sayu and Light played together as children in the living room were because his father was protecting innocent people. Sayu may not have noticed the expression on their mother's face, Light only pretended not to notice, but it was always alright in the end. It had to be.

Yes, his father would probably be proud of Mikami's sense of justice, wouldn't he? The thought almost stung when it crossed his mind. I'm going to follow in dad's footsteps. That had been Light's ambition for many years—continues to be my ambition he corrected himself— but there's no denying the fact that he'd always taken that much for granted. If Light wanted it, it would happen. It would be easy. Nothing like the ugly reality of what he's looking at right now. His expression darkened, as his hair fell over his eyes, obscuring them from view.

2/2

[finalarbiter.livejournal.com]

When Light looked back up, his eyes were wide, and filled with an almost painful earnestness.

"For what it's worth," He began quietly. "I admire what you do, Mikami-san."

Perhaps it would have sounded odd to anyone who happened on the scene, but Light didn't care how it would seem. Just conveying that point would be enough. Mikami might interpret it as mockery, but it wouldn't matter, as long as Light knew he meant it. He could move on from that point.

[takesallbullets.livejournal.com]

For the first time in their conversation Teru fully lifted his head up, staring at Light in blank surprise. Those words had to be a lie, but they didn't sound like it.
And Light didn't seem like the person to lie like this.

Teru couldn't understand why he'd say this though. Or rather: He could, but he couldn't believe it. He knew that what he was doing was right, but for someone to say... something like this...

He fell silent for quite a while, unsure how to feel. Light could say this and it felt... nice. But then again he wondered how he could just say something like this and not really do anything, not to this day.
When he finally clears his thoughts a minute had passed.

"Thank you...", he replied silently, but his voice seemed more firm than just a moment ago, "It's nice to not be told to stop for once."
And that was the truth. He was so sick of people telling him that. It hurt. Everytime.

[finalarbiter.livejournal.com]

Though Light noted the positive change in Mikami's tone, he quirked a brow at the response. Why should Light tell him to stop? He felt neither responsibility nor obligation to Teru, and therefore ultimately what Teru chose to do with his time was none of Light's business. It didn't disrupt Light's day-to-day activities when Mikami was hurt. It wasn't necessarily right of Light to think that way, but it wasn't wrong either. Much of the world would have turned a blind eye. Nonetheless, the absurdity, and frankly, arrogance of hearing a stranger tell you what you should or should not do would have been intrinsically annoying to Light; he imagined Teru might have been the same.

Truthfully speaking, Light was envious of Mikami. Not because of the bruises, no, Light didn't care for those, but because Mikami was free in a way Light wasn't. Mikami wasn't caught in the jaws of futility. Where Light saw the same unrelenting injustice that simply was, Mikami saw a worthy fight. It was a feeling entirely foreign to Light; Light never envied others, others envied him and because of this, he quickly turned it into something he could be comfortable with: condescension.

So stupid. He repeated to himself. So unbelievably stupid.

If anything, Mikami's inability to accept the reality of the world was impressive. But Light couldn't possibly end his thought on that note. Light needed to believe that there was more meaning to the world's current state of rot. After all, if it couldn't be changed, then what was the purpose of Light's entire life? What of his father's? While Light couldn't give a single damn about the lives of others, his own had to have meaning; Light was too brilliant for it not to.

"Why should I say that?" He asked with an incredulous frown. "You aren't the one doing anything wrong. Those idiots are the ones who need to stop." His jaw tightens, and a quiet determination enters his voice. "Our class shouldn't tolerate that kind of behavior any longer."

[takesallbullets.livejournal.com]

Teru felt odd. It had been long, so long, since he heard anybody say something like this.
It felt good, incredibly so. All he needed was himself and his own beliefs, but while being supported in them sometimes was not something he needed, it still made him feel just a little bit safer.

But if it was like this, why did he rarely see Light doing anything? It did not quite seem to match. Teru was skeptical, but his mannerisms still became a lot more open and friendly as he replied.

"That's just the problem. But most of our classmates seek the safety of going with the masses. It's not like in primary school anymore, they're a lot harder to convince to act the right way..."
It was like morals just vanished with growing up. It made Teru sad to see this happen every day.

[finalarbiter.livejournal.com]

The phrasing made Light pause. Convince them to act the right way—I knew it! Light felt silently vindicated. No-one was pure in this world, no-one could be, which meant Mikami was not righteous, he was arrogant. It's a fact that Light understood very early on, that altruism was a farce; under every good intention was some kind of hidden benefit, all you had to do was look. And if you couldn't find one, you simply weren't looking hard enough. Suddenly, Mikami became that much more relatable as he too, became a piece that clicked into it's place in Light's map of the world. One more source of validation. The two of them may have had common beliefs, but Light finally understood the other boy's angle. Feeling much more pleased with himself, Light returned the friendly demeanor, despite not missing the subtle accusation in Mikami's comment. Of course Light was part of the crowd, he wasn't going to pick losing fights after all.

"I don't disagree with you. These days, it seems wherever you look, the world is black or white. Good or evil. Binary terms, in other words. But if you make an enemy of the masses, who will be your allies?"

[takesallbullets.livejournal.com]

Nobody. Teru felt like shouting it out, screaming it at Light and the world in general. There was nobody, there hadn't been a single person over the last months, the last year. There was just him and all of the pain, everyday. Just him, nobody else.
He was alone with the feeling of losing, a wall of people coming at him and the eyes. Cold and lifeless eyes staring at him, observing, condescending, from up above. Like he was not a human being. Like he wasn't worth a thing.
But that was wrong, just so wrong. They were the inhuman ones, inhuman and cruel, not deserving.... not deserving...

Teru knew he had to stop this, these feelings. He was going crazy and if he was, that wouldn't help anybody. He had to bite them down, lock them away and make them disappear. If he started to think this way, he'd lose what he was fighting for. He had to hold on to it with everything he had, because that reason... That reason was the reason he was living.
Make the world a better place. Protect. He wasn't after revenge, he should not hate mindlessly. Just protect and hate just enough to be able to do so.

It was harder. Harder than everything in the world and he knew he was fighting a hopeless battle.

Teru looked at Light, his face blank.
"And if you sit back and watch? Who will be there to make a difference?", he asked tonelessly. There was not accusation in his voice anymore, just nothing. Maybe it made the accusation even worse. Teru didn't realize.
"There would not be anybody to save the victims."
Somehow he still could not consider himself one, because that would be finally accepting that there was nobody to save him, to come for him. If he kept pretending he was not a victim, even though these days they went after him and him alone, even when he wasn't doing anything wrong, he could still pretend he did not need help either.

"They did nothing to deserve such pain. It is not right to just let it happen, let them get hurt."
The way he talked made obvious that he really was not talking about himself. He was righteous. He did not need a saviour to make him keep believing in a good and righteous life, to prevent him from turning bitter, an offender himself.
And he could shoulder the pain as well. Teru just couldn't realize, that he was just the same as the people he fought for. That he just needed one person to fight for him and tell him we was doing well. He would probably not ever realize it in his entire life.

Sorry so late!

[solsticeanew]

Light raised an eyebrow at the explanation. Once again, he didn't necessarily disagree with anything Teru said, but at the same time there was something almost funny about it. Not in the overtly humorous sense, but in an ironic sense. See, no matter how prettily Mikami dressed up what he was doing, it was obvious to everyone that Mikami was also a victim. He was covered in bruises, his face was swollen and even his glasses were broken. Perfect checkmarks down a list of what described a victim.

"They?" Light began incredulously, but he stopped himself before finishing the rest of his own accusation. Take a good look at yourself.

Admittedly Mikami's continued jabs at Light's own inaction was beginning to leave behind little annoying scratches that he couldn't brush off easily. They shouldn't have. Light was well aware that Mikami's position was ridiculous. What Mikami was doing wasn't "saving" victims. He was creating one out of himself for everyone to hate. He was becoming everyone's scapegoat and telling himself he was making a difference. How would that help anyone when even the other victims turned their backs on you because of how weak you looked? No one wants to be on the losing side; no one likes to lose. it's part of the arrogance of human nature to want to win.

But the final conclusion Light reached was that it was damn pitiful. A world in which people like Mikami were seen as nothing more than losers was terrible. But Light already knew that. It was why he stopped caring about society. But all this uncaring left Light quite bored. Perhaps this might change that.

After giving his ankle a casual prod and wincing, he began speaking quietly. "Personally, I don't think anyone deserves to get hurt. You're right though, if no-one stands up at all, nothing will change. But it is also true that one person can't change the world alone." He offered a small smile. "In other words, Mikami-san, let's get along from now on."

Don't worry about it~ <3

[takesallbullets.livejournal.com]

For a moment Teru did nothing but stare, his eyes wide in surprise. He felt unable to comprehend what Light had just said, simple and tentative as the words in themselves were.
It had been quite a while since anybody had said something nice to him. Even conversations had been so rare, at least for what went above the usual insults or half-hearted questions if he was even alright.

For a person like Light Yagami to offer to get along... It was an odd feeling. Teru couldn't help but feel a bit threatened and cornered. He did not know what this would guide him into and if it would make things better or worse. He only knew Light from what he had seen and that did not necessarily have to mean a thing.
Then again, he had always liked the way Light lived his live ... and he could not get any more miserable than he was now anyway.
And if he was honest with himself the idea of just... getting along with someone again was nice. Which was just why he should not place much hope and trust in it.

He smiled a bit as well and nodded, unsure what to even say. "Yes... That'd be nice."
And all lacking trust and worries aside, he was just a tiny bit happy, a feeling he could just not surpress.