The only thing we knew was that we would never amount to anything

[humanitysacrifice]

It was nothing out of the ordinary, these days. Teru had gotten used to it. He had gotten used to the pain as well.
He sat in the nurse office, catching his breath. His newest set of bruises had been treated and now he had some time to relax before he could go on with his life. He'd been meaning to go out earlier, but the nurse wouldn't let him.
Teru stared down at his hands. They were scratched open from the moment he'd hit the ground and tried to steady himself.
Nothing out of the ordinary these days. He'd have to let his glasses be fixed though. They'd fallen down as he took a punch to the face and then gotten crushed under someone's foot along with some of his other belongings.
The remnants were placed on a little table in the room.

Teru sighed. This wasn't good. He could take hits on his body, but he disliked when his things were damaged. Still, he felt something like apathy come over him. His head hurt, everything hurt, but he paid no attention. The boy closed his eyes, waiting for the allowance to leave the room again.

Comments

2/2

[finalarbiter.livejournal.com]

When Light looked back up, his eyes were wide, and filled with an almost painful earnestness.

"For what it's worth," He began quietly. "I admire what you do, Mikami-san."

Perhaps it would have sounded odd to anyone who happened on the scene, but Light didn't care how it would seem. Just conveying that point would be enough. Mikami might interpret it as mockery, but it wouldn't matter, as long as Light knew he meant it. He could move on from that point.

[takesallbullets.livejournal.com]

For the first time in their conversation Teru fully lifted his head up, staring at Light in blank surprise. Those words had to be a lie, but they didn't sound like it.
And Light didn't seem like the person to lie like this.

Teru couldn't understand why he'd say this though. Or rather: He could, but he couldn't believe it. He knew that what he was doing was right, but for someone to say... something like this...

He fell silent for quite a while, unsure how to feel. Light could say this and it felt... nice. But then again he wondered how he could just say something like this and not really do anything, not to this day.
When he finally clears his thoughts a minute had passed.

"Thank you...", he replied silently, but his voice seemed more firm than just a moment ago, "It's nice to not be told to stop for once."
And that was the truth. He was so sick of people telling him that. It hurt. Everytime.

[finalarbiter.livejournal.com]

Though Light noted the positive change in Mikami's tone, he quirked a brow at the response. Why should Light tell him to stop? He felt neither responsibility nor obligation to Teru, and therefore ultimately what Teru chose to do with his time was none of Light's business. It didn't disrupt Light's day-to-day activities when Mikami was hurt. It wasn't necessarily right of Light to think that way, but it wasn't wrong either. Much of the world would have turned a blind eye. Nonetheless, the absurdity, and frankly, arrogance of hearing a stranger tell you what you should or should not do would have been intrinsically annoying to Light; he imagined Teru might have been the same.

Truthfully speaking, Light was envious of Mikami. Not because of the bruises, no, Light didn't care for those, but because Mikami was free in a way Light wasn't. Mikami wasn't caught in the jaws of futility. Where Light saw the same unrelenting injustice that simply was, Mikami saw a worthy fight. It was a feeling entirely foreign to Light; Light never envied others, others envied him and because of this, he quickly turned it into something he could be comfortable with: condescension.

So stupid. He repeated to himself. So unbelievably stupid.

If anything, Mikami's inability to accept the reality of the world was impressive. But Light couldn't possibly end his thought on that note. Light needed to believe that there was more meaning to the world's current state of rot. After all, if it couldn't be changed, then what was the purpose of Light's entire life? What of his father's? While Light couldn't give a single damn about the lives of others, his own had to have meaning; Light was too brilliant for it not to.

"Why should I say that?" He asked with an incredulous frown. "You aren't the one doing anything wrong. Those idiots are the ones who need to stop." His jaw tightens, and a quiet determination enters his voice. "Our class shouldn't tolerate that kind of behavior any longer."

[takesallbullets.livejournal.com]

Teru felt odd. It had been long, so long, since he heard anybody say something like this.
It felt good, incredibly so. All he needed was himself and his own beliefs, but while being supported in them sometimes was not something he needed, it still made him feel just a little bit safer.

But if it was like this, why did he rarely see Light doing anything? It did not quite seem to match. Teru was skeptical, but his mannerisms still became a lot more open and friendly as he replied.

"That's just the problem. But most of our classmates seek the safety of going with the masses. It's not like in primary school anymore, they're a lot harder to convince to act the right way..."
It was like morals just vanished with growing up. It made Teru sad to see this happen every day.

[finalarbiter.livejournal.com]

The phrasing made Light pause. Convince them to act the right way—I knew it! Light felt silently vindicated. No-one was pure in this world, no-one could be, which meant Mikami was not righteous, he was arrogant. It's a fact that Light understood very early on, that altruism was a farce; under every good intention was some kind of hidden benefit, all you had to do was look. And if you couldn't find one, you simply weren't looking hard enough. Suddenly, Mikami became that much more relatable as he too, became a piece that clicked into it's place in Light's map of the world. One more source of validation. The two of them may have had common beliefs, but Light finally understood the other boy's angle. Feeling much more pleased with himself, Light returned the friendly demeanor, despite not missing the subtle accusation in Mikami's comment. Of course Light was part of the crowd, he wasn't going to pick losing fights after all.

"I don't disagree with you. These days, it seems wherever you look, the world is black or white. Good or evil. Binary terms, in other words. But if you make an enemy of the masses, who will be your allies?"

[takesallbullets.livejournal.com]

Nobody. Teru felt like shouting it out, screaming it at Light and the world in general. There was nobody, there hadn't been a single person over the last months, the last year. There was just him and all of the pain, everyday. Just him, nobody else.
He was alone with the feeling of losing, a wall of people coming at him and the eyes. Cold and lifeless eyes staring at him, observing, condescending, from up above. Like he was not a human being. Like he wasn't worth a thing.
But that was wrong, just so wrong. They were the inhuman ones, inhuman and cruel, not deserving.... not deserving...

Teru knew he had to stop this, these feelings. He was going crazy and if he was, that wouldn't help anybody. He had to bite them down, lock them away and make them disappear. If he started to think this way, he'd lose what he was fighting for. He had to hold on to it with everything he had, because that reason... That reason was the reason he was living.
Make the world a better place. Protect. He wasn't after revenge, he should not hate mindlessly. Just protect and hate just enough to be able to do so.

It was harder. Harder than everything in the world and he knew he was fighting a hopeless battle.

Teru looked at Light, his face blank.
"And if you sit back and watch? Who will be there to make a difference?", he asked tonelessly. There was not accusation in his voice anymore, just nothing. Maybe it made the accusation even worse. Teru didn't realize.
"There would not be anybody to save the victims."
Somehow he still could not consider himself one, because that would be finally accepting that there was nobody to save him, to come for him. If he kept pretending he was not a victim, even though these days they went after him and him alone, even when he wasn't doing anything wrong, he could still pretend he did not need help either.

"They did nothing to deserve such pain. It is not right to just let it happen, let them get hurt."
The way he talked made obvious that he really was not talking about himself. He was righteous. He did not need a saviour to make him keep believing in a good and righteous life, to prevent him from turning bitter, an offender himself.
And he could shoulder the pain as well. Teru just couldn't realize, that he was just the same as the people he fought for. That he just needed one person to fight for him and tell him we was doing well. He would probably not ever realize it in his entire life.

Sorry so late!

[solsticeanew]

Light raised an eyebrow at the explanation. Once again, he didn't necessarily disagree with anything Teru said, but at the same time there was something almost funny about it. Not in the overtly humorous sense, but in an ironic sense. See, no matter how prettily Mikami dressed up what he was doing, it was obvious to everyone that Mikami was also a victim. He was covered in bruises, his face was swollen and even his glasses were broken. Perfect checkmarks down a list of what described a victim.

"They?" Light began incredulously, but he stopped himself before finishing the rest of his own accusation. Take a good look at yourself.

Admittedly Mikami's continued jabs at Light's own inaction was beginning to leave behind little annoying scratches that he couldn't brush off easily. They shouldn't have. Light was well aware that Mikami's position was ridiculous. What Mikami was doing wasn't "saving" victims. He was creating one out of himself for everyone to hate. He was becoming everyone's scapegoat and telling himself he was making a difference. How would that help anyone when even the other victims turned their backs on you because of how weak you looked? No one wants to be on the losing side; no one likes to lose. it's part of the arrogance of human nature to want to win.

But the final conclusion Light reached was that it was damn pitiful. A world in which people like Mikami were seen as nothing more than losers was terrible. But Light already knew that. It was why he stopped caring about society. But all this uncaring left Light quite bored. Perhaps this might change that.

After giving his ankle a casual prod and wincing, he began speaking quietly. "Personally, I don't think anyone deserves to get hurt. You're right though, if no-one stands up at all, nothing will change. But it is also true that one person can't change the world alone." He offered a small smile. "In other words, Mikami-san, let's get along from now on."

Don't worry about it~ <3

[takesallbullets.livejournal.com]

For a moment Teru did nothing but stare, his eyes wide in surprise. He felt unable to comprehend what Light had just said, simple and tentative as the words in themselves were.
It had been quite a while since anybody had said something nice to him. Even conversations had been so rare, at least for what went above the usual insults or half-hearted questions if he was even alright.

For a person like Light Yagami to offer to get along... It was an odd feeling. Teru couldn't help but feel a bit threatened and cornered. He did not know what this would guide him into and if it would make things better or worse. He only knew Light from what he had seen and that did not necessarily have to mean a thing.
Then again, he had always liked the way Light lived his live ... and he could not get any more miserable than he was now anyway.
And if he was honest with himself the idea of just... getting along with someone again was nice. Which was just why he should not place much hope and trust in it.

He smiled a bit as well and nodded, unsure what to even say. "Yes... That'd be nice."
And all lacking trust and worries aside, he was just a tiny bit happy, a feeling he could just not surpress.